It's been a week since I dropped my oldest, Samantha off at college. The emptiness still remains, but I'm told it'll ease with time. The drive to Gainesville was shorter than I had anticipated...3-1/2 hours door to door. Sam followed me in her car, while I drove the pick-up loaded with all her worldly possessions. We talked a few times via cell, but otherwise, the trip was made in silence..a time to reminisce about the 18-past years. The day she was born, her first day of school, her first injury, her first boyfriend....you get the idea. The proverbial, "where did the years go" struck home.
Then it hit me, "Would she survive without me?" Who'll offer the gentle nudge when she's stalling on a task, who'll cook her meals, who'll take care of her if she gets sick.....I knew I needed to let it go and let the course of the events play out. It would be the only way she'd learn the hardships of the world, the mundane chores one is faced with each and every day, the difficult decisions we're all faced with.... I could only hope that she'd take some of the wisdom and knowledge I had bestowed on her and use it wisely.
After we organized her apartment, which I can say is nothing like mine was in college (granite counter tops, hardwood floors, top of the line appliances..tough life for today's college students!) and we toured the campus...my duties were complete. After 2-days of unpacking, arranging, washing, ironing, shopping and touring...it was time for me to head back home...without my little girl... a moment I was regretting....
The tears started 10-minutes before I actually did the deed of saying goodbye. An eerie quietness enveloped the apartment..neither of us looking forward to the goodbye...but then I ran out of little, last minute things to do and I turned and looked at my beautiful daughter, She was a woman now...a person about to embark on the best years of her life..a woman filled with hope and determination to make her life the best it can be..a woman who will some day fulfill all her dreams and desires...a woman ready to conquer the world.
As I turned to say goodbye, the flood started...the tears and sobbing uncontrollable....not me, but Samantha! But her waterworks were contagious....almost instantly, I was crying harder than I have in years...we clung to one another as if wishing it would make time stand still and we'd stay together forever...but reality set in...it was time for me to let go and say goodbye...let my little girl spread her wings and start her new life as an adult on her own...
I rushed to the truck, assuming the faster I left, the easier it would be...I was wrong. I cried for at least an hour and then periodically for the entire ride home. But as the miles passed I started to accept the new living arrangements...no more Sam running around the house panicked about where her cell phone was..no more random teenage friends found on the couch or in the guest room..no more empty refrigerator! Maybe life without Sam at home would have its advantages!
As I stated at the beginning..it's been a week since Samantha left home...She calls me at least 3 times a day to tell me about the latest adventures of college life.....for me ...it's very quiet around the house, no gang of teenagers chatting loudly in the family room or playing raucously in the pool, no more wet footprints on the floor from wet pool bodies walking through the house, and yes, my ice cream container remains untouched in the freezer! I can enjoy a moment of solitude without being interrupted by the latest teen drama and I know the $10 I have in my wallet will be there in a few hours....maybe Sam's latest adventure is a blessing in disguise!
But reality check..my youngest, Caroline is only 14 years old. I still have a few more years of teenage escapades to endure and all I can say is, "thank goodness for my children..they fulfill me."
